The Lean Line of Tenses

Ever wondered what it would feel like if you could travel back to your past? Be an invisible third person and examine everything that happened in your life? Watch from afar the people you unknowingly rubbed shoulders with, become the people you dearly respect in your life later?  What about simply travelling back and re-living those moments? Savor the happy ones again and amend the sad ones? Well, the thought must have crossed your mind at least once! But what about the time you wasted thinking about it? Whatever happened, happened as it was bound to take place!

It is odd comprehending that whatever took place in the past is inevitable and fated. It’s the same with what might happen in the future. That makes us wonder what exactly we have with us right now. If a word you just read, a breath you took or the thought which you thought are things of the past and the word that you would read next, or your next breath or your upcoming thought are things of the future then there would be a momentous debate on what the present is. In fact, the transition between past and future undoubtedly is a skinny line!

If someone is able to make that scraggy line a little podgier, that’s probably when they have learnt the art of the much coveted and dramatic expression of “Living in the present”. But is it as straightforward as it sounds? For us to live in the present, we should have no contemplations whatsoever of the impending. Would that mean you wouldn’t have to worry about saving a penny for the rainy day?

Any living theory that exists in this world certainly has two faces (much like the people we encounter every day!). One theory which tells you to quit looking for something when you want to find it and the other which tells you to go out and look for it. Now, consider the second to be true. What about the theory of destiny then? Is it just a word people use to blame their failures? (Courtesy: A coffee mug which had this printed on it). Some believe that when a baby is born, his/her entire fate is already written by the great hand of God and that things that happen to you aren’t controlled by you but the omnipotent. Does that mean they grow up to be quitters, fall into the category of lazy people and never make an effort to move out of their comfort zone because they worship the ideology of destiny? I believe to an extent that it is factual. However, someone being blindly precast in the philosophy would do nothing but cause themselves damage. When you eliminate the option of staying put, accusing destiny, you are left with another option. Learning from experience! It is by far, the cleverest alternative. Experience sure can be a wonderful teacher. You went through whatever happened in the past. Alas! There is no way to demolish it! Embrace it, smile, move on, yet learn from it and attempt to plant what you acquired in what you do right now, so that you know what to vaguely look forward to. Although, it is definite that none of us would be able to deduce what precisely will happen, having a blurry image is by far better than having none. At least you can script your own Experience Reference Guide! And who knows! One day you might even get to publish one!

So we still stick on with living in the moment. We don't have to be apprehensive about the future, yet be prepared for the worse that might happen, with the help of our reference manual. Putting 100% to what you are doing at this very moment would also mean you are listening. Very clearly! And that is a quite a wonderful thing!

I now understand why there a lot of confused souls out there. Well, I absolutely am still one of them! Let me know what you think.

Diwali like no other country.

The neighborhood finally wrapped up the Diwali celebrations and the deafening and irksome sounds of crackers and fireworks came to an end. All the more so, even three days post Diwali you could occasionally overhear firecrackers bursting, sometimes far-off, sometimes from the flanking lane. I stood on my balcony watching the last rocket as it went blazing up into dark sky. I fathomed what I had missed all these years being away from India.

When I spent the first 18 years of my life in Dubai, Diwali was one occasion I had never neglected to celebrate. That one day, albeit my folks celebrated it or no, I habitually made it a point to light at least a lamp. As a kid, I used to unearth glee in doing just that. Bliss was as simple as that. Diwali, the next four years in Kerala were loathsome.

And then came this one– the first ever time I caught a glimpse of the authentic celebration, here in Bangalore. When every house you set your eyes on is adorned with lights and illuminations, you just can’t help but let your heart fill itself up with a lot of fond memories. More often than that, you have your mind and body free of all the negativities when you watch some members in the neighboring families lighting lanterns, others helping children ignite a cracker, and a few others basking in the grandeur of the beautiful slow-glowing yellow fire coming from the lamps besieging them. That’s the moment when although very briefly, you somehow turn a blind eye to money and status. You forget that you are a doctor or that you hold an engineering degree. You are one with the fire you just lit. Momentarily, you forget how you look despite being dressed in your best outfit. Even though they have watched it a hundred times before, when the fountain firework springs up for a few seconds, the astonished face that everyone makes, just cannot go unnoticed.

There is probably no other country in the world that might give you even near-Diwali-experience. No other country in the world which although clean in every way, beat the beauty of the lights that embellish the day. When the whole of my country lights up, it eliminates the evil, however powerful it may be. If I am not too wrong, I can bet that such wholesomeness and purity can never be witnessed anywhere else other than in India. Three fourth of my life in another country, and yet I long to be in India. Spend my life in this beautiful land.

When the country winds up the celebrations, I await the next year. The voices of mothers calling out to their children repeatedly to be cautious, the laughter of kids when they successfully burst a bomb, the music of bangles and anklets, the chants praising Goddess Lakshmi, the ringing of bells from Puja, the blinking colorful LED lights that will be re-used every year, the glittering sparks of gold that fills the sky, the after-taste of ghee in your mouth from sweets, the oil dashes on your fingers from lighting the diyas, and other such minute exhilaration with which we greet the day, year after year.

Tribute to Granddad

(If you are reading this from somewhere up above, this is for you.)

 

Confronting woe by yourself

All the petulance you threw.

We did our finest to help

Tricky to envisage what life put you through. 

You were so firm and rigid

Willpower couldn’t rip you apart
Though, in the face of what we did

We somehow knew, ceaselessly life doesn’t last 

Memories, not just a few

Your toothless grin is missed by us.

You would have known that I loved you.

Had I let you know how much, merely once! 

Living in pride

The numbness withheld me

You strangely took it in your stride

And allowed me as you loved me 

Sometimes it’s better not to let go

Of an event to adore

The best minute is now,

The best time to love. 

The last time I saw was when you smiled

The moment you fruitfully battled the surgery

However, I am glad you weren’t there to see me cry
When He one day irrevocably derelict your agony! 

The heavens cried those days

Monsoon had just made a start

Water drenched our faces

The day when you breathed your last. 

I took for granted you were strong

We thought you’d make it right through whatever

As we longed for nothing to go wrong

It’s just arduous to deem that you have left us forever!
 

 Dedicated to all those who lost someone special in their life recently.

Specially goes out to the eldest person in my family who I lost few weeks ago.

Infinitesimal things of Life

The best things in life lie in the tiniest of things and the least expensive ones. What is better than watching sunset with your lover? Or watching a baby’s chaste smile? What about a child’s naïve naughtiness? Or helping an old man?
I have seen a certain old man, a couple of times before in my neighborhood. He somehow reminded me of my grandfather. One day, I hurriedly walked past this old man bent double with age. I couldn’t help but notice him carrying two huge bags in his hand. The selfish side of me was reluctant to sojourn and offer help. But the urbane side of me although 20 steps later, stopped to turn back and return to the old man. My consciousness allowed me to think that he wouldn’t be far away, with the pace with which he was going. Those few seconds of comprehension, me against myself, debating what is right and what isn’t, made me realize a lot. Often we come across situations like this and although our conscience forces us to give up ego and go help, our arrogant self does nothing other than abandoning the ship. Those 20 steps I took, leaving that old man to himself behind me made me realize how selfish I am and how I am no different from the rest of the world. I had to prove myself wrong. So I swiftly turned around and walked, quick enough to reach him and slow enough to not let people around me think I have left the fire on my gas stove on. He was nowhere to be seen. I cursed myself to let go the moment where I had the finest chance to lend a hand to someone in need. The lost opportunities that intellectuals talk about, the theories that sing opportunity knocks the doors of the people looking for it, was gyrating in my mind. Nonetheless, I kept my hope alive. I found him around the bend of the road, just in time as he carefully placed the heavy bags on the ground and slowly tried to open the gate to his home with his trembling fingers.
“Hi! Uncle! Should I help you with the bags?” was all that I could come up with! He had to lift his head up to look at me. That’s ironical bearing in mind how short I actually am myself! He smiled, bright enough to lighten the entire world and said “Oh no! Thank you so much”. I offered to help him place the bags in his house. He politely refused saying he has been doing this a lot; he stooped down, opened one of his bags and offered me two biscuits. He told me those are all that he has got and amiably beamed. I tried to strike up a conversation and learnt that he lives with his wife and that his hometown is Mumbai. I understood from the way he spoke that he was well educated. I kept wondering though how he put down roots alone, here. I wondered if there was someone to help the couple at home. All these thoughts accumulated, while he asked me where I was from. When I ran out of topics to talk about, I offered help again. He smiled and said “Thank you Beta! God bless you!” That was plentiful. When someone much older acknowledges with a “God bless you” and when you know it came right from the deepest root of the heart, you just know that you are blessed, that very moment. It is a great feeling. I just hope there are more such encounters which render realization that there are many tiny yet great things in life that we often fail to attach importance with.
That day, if I had walked away, there was not anything he would have lost that he built. But if I did, I surely would have lost myself to guilt.
The richest things of life often lay in the tiniest of things and the least expensive ones.